unwell

It’s getting nearer, closing up on me much quicker than I had anticipated. It seems like it was only yesterday when I felt that I have more than adequate time to prepare for it. I was apprehensive, but quite confident I’ll be able to pull this through. Now, all I can say is that I am apprehensive.

The boards this year will be on the first 2 weeks of August. The date is fast approaching, and June seemed to have flown so fast. Did somebody just pressed the fast-forward button? How come it’s already the last week of June? Now I can’t seem to stop counting the days, hours and minutes I have left to study. The pressure is getting to me, something I usually welcome. In the past, I’ve been pushed to exert much more effort and accomplish more in less time when I feel the shove of pressure. I’m banking on this again, as I shift into a higher gear to propel on at a greater speed.

I was caught unawares. Just as unpredictable as it is with engines and electronics, when the misfortune of something that has been working splendidly suddenly sputters and threatens to conk out. I was aiming for a higher gear, but I seemed to have latched on a lower one. While I was all set to go faster, something gave and forced me to slow down. And I can’t figure out for the life of me what happened. All I know is that something in me refused the shift and now I’m lumbering on like a car with mechanical problems. The driver in me wants to pick up the pace, but I’m getting held back. By what, I don’t know. I don’t have the vaguest clue and it’s scaring me.

In the past several days, I have been unable to make myself sit still and concentrate. My brain is like a virus-infected computer, with entered data mysteriously disappearing without a trace. I’m feeling healthy, alert and driven; the hardware is functioning just fine. Or is it?

A burn out? Probably. Or maybe this is just me cracking under pressure.