victory

Yes, victory at last! As Jenson Button basks in the bliss of his first F1 victory, about half a decade after entering the Formula 1 circuit, I am likewise getting drunk with my champagne...nine years after deciding to go down this road. Finally, I know the giddiness of getting the prize I've worked for harder than anything in my life.

This piece isn't about Jenson Button, but I'm sure I'll be echoing much of what he probably felt as he stepped on the top step of the podium. It feels so freakingly damn good!!! All the long days and nights, the blood, sweat and tears and everything I gave up for this seem worth it. If getting here had been a tad easier, I don't think the victory would've been as sweet.

It was a rough road, and I've put in so much in this. Still, I am humbled by the power of faith. It was the one thing that kept me going, especially during those times when all I seem to be doing during the exams was try to guess the right answers. I relied heavily on my instincts, because honestly, I didn't know the answer to majority of the questions. Somehow, I found strength I didn't know I have to stay calm and keep my presence of mind despite the threatening attack of overwhelming panic as I encounter item after item of difficult (and sometimes alien) questions. How I did it, I can't honestly say. All I know is that faith that God will see me through whatever He puts me to kept me going.

I was scared shitless after the exams, because I only have gut feel to rely on. Gut feel that I'll make it and that it's in God's will that I pass this time. Still, as time ticks, doubts become increasingly determined to creep in my consciousness and I could feel my confidence ebbing...but still clinging on stubbornly to faith.

And then hearing my friends one by one congratulate me, after almost being certain that I flunked...hell, I was freaking out!!! I can't even remember how I dealt with it (but I'm quite certain I was making enough ruckus to rouse everyone within a 5-mile radius). All I recall is the wonderful drunken feeling of having so much weight lifted off my shoulders, of having the curtain of uncertainty finally revealing a bright tomorrow. And realizing that I did not let my parents down.

Am I making sense? I can hardly stay put, much more try to make coherence of my indescribable emotions. I'm just trying to do this because I want to document this, to be able to sort of immortalize it. I don't know if and when I'll feel this kind of glee again, and I want to capture it as best as I could. I want to be able to read it in the future and recapture this bliss. I want to be able to draw from this memory during the many eleventh hours I'll face, because I know that in those trying moments, I'll need every bit of help I can to continue keeping the faith.

Meantime, cheers!!!