major life changes

I’ve given this much thought, and I’ve been planning to write this for the longest time, but somehow, I kept postponing it. Not that I’ve been really busy…I just haven’t been in the mood to sit down and write. I’m not the most patient person in the world and I’m pretty OC when it comes to writing (my Virgo self emerges) so it really does take much effort for me to compose something as simple as a blog entry.

Anyway, I write now because I don’t want to have too much backlog. Sometime ago I vowed I’d post an entry at least once a month, because I have this illusion (delusion perhaps?) that maybe someday, I’d be someone important and people would want to know about my life, and I thought it’d be best to learn about it first-hand from my blog/journal entries (okay, so it IS a delusion). Anyway, I used to find writing some sort of a therapy, and I guess sometimes I still do, but lately, I’ve gotten too lazy and felt that I don’t need any sort of therapy at all (so now I’m in denial, too). But then the major life changes came one after the other…

First off the bat is my friend Angge becoming a mom. A few days ago, she gave birth to her firstborn, a baby girl whom she and husband Biboy named Bea Dorothy. Even if I had seen Angge several times during her pregnancy, it hadn’t seem real until she finally gave birth. Now this is more of a major life change for Angge than me, but still, hearing the news that she had given birth gave a jolt to me. I’ve known her to be one of the most carefree individuals I’ve met, with a bit of a rebellious nature. How is she now that she’s a mom? Will she morph into those mother-hen types who talk about nothing but their kids whenever you try to start a decent conversation with them? What about gimmicks? Angge’s also one of the hard-core gimikeras I know, a girl who seems to have been born with an insatiable thirst for having a good time. Will having a baby transform her into a homebody? Only time will tell. For now, all I’m sure of is that I admire Angge for taking that big step into adulthood (the ultimate step, I think) and gamely taking on the responsibilities and sacrifices that came with it. It makes me wonder when I’ll be ready to do that…

Other changes involve decisions of my friends…Che had decided to “migrate” to the wild wild north, as a doctor to the barrios. Marriage is in the air: my childhood friend Janet just recently tied the knot, and Yaya is about to do the same thing. Others opted taking a not so surprising path in their careers, entering residency. Some friends are now breadwinners of their families. The bottomline of this is, all of us, regardless of the changes that took place, are now taking on more responsibility. Finally, our extended adolescence (read: med school) is over and we are now part of the rat race. There’s no denying I get somewhat terrified when I think about this too much.

I’m fortunate that the transition for me is slower and easier. While I could’ve gone straight to full-time practice, I still had obligations to my old school and I had decided to finish these now so that I’ll be officially released. This gave me an excuse not to work full time right away. In addition, I’m starting to feel the fruits of my long years in med school, because even if I go to work only once a week (officially), I still earn enough to satisfy my basic needs, and give some to my parents (well, I’ve been blessed with parents who still do not require me to support them…in fact, the main reason I have more than enough is that I’m basically still a free-loader at home). Certainly not bad for someone who spends more time in front of the TV than in the hospital. Still, the fact is that the day that I really become independent (and with that comes having dependents) is looming closer and there’s nothing I can do to escape it. Such an idea is overwhelming for someone who’s biggest responsibility in life is taking care of a low-maintenance dog.

Well, all these just boils down to one thing…we are getting older. And supposedly more mature. Which brings me face to face with another one of my fears: getting older. I think I have what has been called the Peter Pan Syndrome, although I don’t really want to be a child forever, I just don’t want to grow up (hmm, maybe that’s why I’m stuck at this height). Nonetheless, this is something I can’t run away from, because I’m not the type to shun responsibility; I have been raised to take on the responsibilities that come my way. So, the process may be slow, but one day I’ll get there, one day I’ll be able to stand on my own. Like it or not.