keeping the blog alive

It’s been a long while since I decided to try to jot down my thoughts. That’s the way it is for me, usually. I love to write, but when life happens, I simply do not have the patience or sometimes time and energy to try to make a composition. It’s not as if there’s nothing important going on in my life; in fact, I think it’s quite the opposite. Life’s happening too fast for me to document it in a journal. And, as I have said, I’m one person sorely lacking patience.

So, what’s making me sit and make yet another attempt to keep this blog alive? Well, I think it all started with the Starbucks planner that I got sometime before Christmas (after drinking so many cups of coffee). I figured it wouldn’t hurt to stop every now and then to try to organize my thoughts and actually record them, and it sure would be nice to be able to read about past experiences and feelings. I had managed to keep a journal before (probably a decade ago, and even that journal was a short-lived project), and I do enjoy reading my entries. Besides, I like thinking that others enjoy reading what I am writing (hehe).

2005 has been one hell of a year for me. I moved on from clerk to intern, moved back home, earned my medical degree, and found a whole new set of friends and colleagues. My work environment has drastically changed. I’ve had good and bad experiences, which inevitably, somehow changed me. Still, I’d like to think I’m more mature now, but no more jaded.

The new year ushers in new challenges for me, and new hope as well. It terrifies me that some of these challenges will change my life in major ways, whatever their outcome may be. What is more terrifying for me is not the challenges themselves, but the fact that their outcome is decided only by one person: me. I’ve put off having to think about these things for as long as I could, but this doesn’t change the fact that sooner or later I’d have to deal with these. I’d have to make a decision, I’d have to start moving, and I’d have to come up with a plan (and go through with it) to get the results I hope for.

Well, whatever happens, whatever I do or don’t do, I hope I’d learn something from what I experience. And, as part of my plan, I think I’d be more sure of that if I were to stop more often and try to write about what I had just gone through and how I felt about it. At least that way if I don’t learn in the process, I’d still have a chance to learn in retrospect.

written on 2 Jan 2006